IMPORTANT ISSUES

Another presidential campaign and we are discussing the major issues of the day.  If you follow the campaign it will direct you to what these weighty issues that weigh on the mind of the electorate. 

The Kiss!  The Al and Tipper Kiss is a key issue.  Was it contrived? Was it real? Was it spontaneous?  All key to the long-term health of the republic.   To help you through these weighty issues I will give you some guidance.  Contrived?  Of course, isn’t everything at a political convention contrived and scripted?  I would imagine they did focus group studies on different kind of kisses.  The Hard long Kiss…. The short quick touch with a hug, no kiss and a knowing hug?  Obviously the hard long kiss won out!  When in doubt, opt for the long hard kiss…. It can get husbands out of the doghouse quick!  Flowers help too!  …. And with candy, you can’t lose.  The campaign has helped all marriages and promoted family values!  Well maybe just “Convention Values.” 

The next issue is who can make the best promise to help  seniors with their prescription drug costs.  Both Gore and Bush are falling all over themselves in handing out the promises!  Now the real advantage of this is that it makes seniors think! It keeps their minds active which is good for long-term health!  They have to work through the different plans, compare and ask questions to find out which one is best for me.  This is better activity than the morning crossword or figuring out who has the cheapest coffee in town!   The best promise gets my vote!   This is just part of the Bush and Gore “Mental” health plan.  But hey…if we get a little help on those prescriptions maybe we can take another cruise this year and just think how that will help the economy! 

Why can’t Bush say what he means…. Hostile or Hostage, good grief!  We have to have a President that can read the teleprompter.  Gore on the other hand sometimes talks so slowly that we get bored waiting for the next syllable.   This is especially important since the winner will have to follow a master!  This  President has set the standard!  He can say “oral sex” clearly and quickly three times in a row without nary a slip!  He followed up this with “I did not have sex with that woman” without a mistake and was able to point at the same time!  Bush and Gore are going to have to prove they can chew gum and walk (and make promises) at the same time! 

Who gets any promised tax cut?  Bush has the audacity to suggest the people who pay taxes should get a tax cut.  Gore knows the right thing to do is give a tax cut to people who need it… those who don’t pay taxes.  

The debate over debate.  The debate commission, as written in the constitution, is the way to go.  We have to have three stilted, civil “debates” to really know who will be the best President.  Oh yea!  Tim Russert and Larry King were OK for Mr. Gore, but now they have fallen out of favor.  We must have the “bipartisan” debate commission debate.  Is there anything more boring than those quiet, drag on debates?  I don’t see anything wrong with Russert and King, but how can we leave out Jerry Springer, Ricki Lake and some of the others.  Now we would really see how they do under pressure!  Maybe we could bring Geraldo out of talk show retirement… we could really have a knock down drag out, the last one standing wins debate…. Maybe even Geraldo would be the next president. 

So we are working through many important issues.  If we could just get those settled we could get on to the lesser issues. 

 Medicare will take us all to the poorhouse before we get to the hospital if we don’t do something other than throw money at the problem.  Ditto with Social Security.  Although Social Security has some redeeming values… it makes the young folks mindful of hard work…. They have to work and work to pay those taxes!

 We might even touch on the public school system that spends more and more money and gets poorer and poorer results.  The shoe sting budgets of private schools are running rings about the government schools.  Minor issue, but bears some discussion. 

National defense?  I know, a minor issue now, war has been suspended!  Bad people do exists and wars have been a stable part of history since the beginning.  We might think about that for a few minutes. 

And perhaps after the weighty issues such as the Kiss are settled we can discuss another minor issue…. Which one has the leadership qualities to get consensus about the issues that threaten our democracy.  Who can win the confidence, get the votes and make fundamental change.  Oh, it is easy to throw money…the real issue is making fundamental change to make things better, not just dig deeper holes and wait for our children to solve the problem all the while not giving them the education to do so.  Minor issue, but worth discussion!