What is this deadly danger? My little foam rubber Gateway Cow! Yep, deadly, dangerous and ACT immediately! This information is from The US Government Consumer Safety Commission. You may have seen it in the papers over the weekend, it was in the Wall Street Journal on Monday.

A few weeks ago I purchased a new Gateway Computer and the Gateway Country store in Lakeland gave me this deadly cow along with a coffee cup, a pen and a mouse pad. (It is amazing what you can get if you spend a couple thousand dollars!). They call this a "Stress" cow. I quess you need a stress reliever when you try to make a computer run they way they say it will and it never does. I guess you are to pick up the cow and "feel' it and that conjures up some interesting scenarios also. The even sold a few of these for $3.99.

What makes this little (about 5" long and 3" high) cow so deadly? A child may tear off part of the cow put it in his mouth and choke. So my little granddaughter who can operation this computer without stress may be in jeopardy. She does like "cow" but she much prefers it served up by Outback Steakhouse than the foam rubber variety!

Because of this imminent danger Gateway is "recalling" their cow. For my oldtime dairy farmer readers, they should be out calling "Caaa-Bossy". There are over a million of these suckers roaming around computer desks stalking their potential victims.

There are three reports of parts of the cow being torn from the cow& (No doubt the result of a computer crash!). There have been no choking, no injuries, no other problems. But the government in it relentless concern for you health has ordered a recall of these million bad bovines. You can take it back to the Gateway for a replacement of comparable value. I think this will be my choice. Since this is now going to be a collectors item and greatly increased in value a reasonable replacement would be some "real" cow, preferably tenderloin at a local steakhouse. I quess that may ease my stress over this situation.

But is this the real purpose of this busy body government commission? I think not. I smell a rat here! Recently they got rid of Camel Cigarettes "Joe Camel". Is this another creative approach to eliminate a deadly corporate mascot? If I were one of the Budweiser Lizards I would be looking over my shoulder. Thousands of years and these lizards are not extinct& but a withering attack by the government may do what several millenniums could not do.

Wouldn't it be great if some company would say& Get real, go peddle your papers somewhere else!" What is next& the imminent danger of new carpet fuzzballs"?